How To Trick Everyone Into Thinking You’re A Professional Chef

Nailed It 1

Hello. I’m James and I’m a chef. Do I work in a professional kitchen? Not anymore, but follow the excellent tips below and no one will care that you haven’t got a michelin star. ANYONE can be a top chef if they follow these rules.

1. Buy some chef whites (or blacks). When wearing them, make sure you hold yourself with a posture that asserts your superiority in the kitchen

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2. Make use of your sous chefs and don’t take no sh**

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3. Insist that when it comes to food, you’re always, always right

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4. Treat the visual aspects of your food with precision and care and balance your colour palette in a poncy way

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5. To look like you’ve got skillz, flick your knife around like it’s a magic wand. Avoid nicking yourself or slicing off a finger. Plasters are not a good look.

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6. Practice the art of multitasking and use grand sweeping movements to pour, season and stir

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7. Oh, by the way, it’s crucial that you don’t set anything on fire

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8. And that you always have a plan B up your sleeve

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9. Lay the table in a spectacular manner and completely pamper your guests when they sit down.

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10. When people compliment you on your food act completely nonchalant and insist it was ‘no big deal’

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11. Refuse to share the recipe because you don’t want everyone out there knowing your little secrets

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12. Refer to technical things like ‘Mise en Place’ and ‘Brigade de Cuisine’. Even if you don’t know what they mean, who cares? It’s unlikely anyone else will either…

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13. Finish every dish off with a sprig of mint

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14. And by every, we mean EVERY

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So there you have it. TL:DR: Wear a chef’s jacket and act like a asshole and no-one will question whether or not your a legit chef. It’s what Ben and I do.

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