How To Look Incredibly Suave When BBQing

Is there ANYTHING more attractive than witnessing someone BBQ?

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I’m not sure what it is, but magic happens when you see someone fully in control of a BBQ… Drink in one hand, tongs in another… It is the ultimate statement, “I am cooking outside with fire, I am the perfect example of what a human being should aspire to be”.

So how do you achieve this level of perfection? Here are our 9 tips to looking awesome at the BBQ…

1. Prep and Equipment – make sure you have all essentials before you light the BBQ. These are likely to include, but are not restricted to:

– Comedy apron

– Flip flops – not a practical or safe option, but a BBQ-must

– Chilled out frame of mind – the time is in your hands, take control and own it. Whatever you do, do not (outwardly) panic

– Ice bucket – where else are you going to keep your drinks?

– BBQ equipment – tongs (we’ll come back to these later), spatula, cleaning brush, oven glove,

– Stories – a key part of running the BBQ is the ability to spout stories of outlandish success to unsuspecting guests at any given moment… Remember to save your best ones until there are at least 3 people around you. Speak loudly, and laugh exaggeratedly so people also know when to laugh.

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2. Choice Of Drink – there’s no alternatives here, your drink has to be bottled… Most points are gained for a stubby bottle of beer, although a bottle of light lager or cider come close.

3. Choice Of Tongs – an incredibly important step… You’re going to want to get the biggest pair of tongs you can find, and never let them leave your hand of choice. Every few seconds, you should check they still work by closing and opening them again. Remember, you can never be too sure, and you can never check enough.

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4. Confidence – the BBQ is not the place to be if you’re low in self-esteem. A smile should never leave your face. Never allow anyone to question your motives, actions or thoughts at the BBQ… You have the tongs, you are in charge. You are the BBQ boss.

5. Phrasing – remember when you’re BBQing, it’s not ‘burnt’ or ‘overcooked’… it’s ‘flavour’, ‘caramelisation’, ‘charred’, ‘authentically BBQ’ed’, ‘smoked’.

6. Fire – now whilst it might look incredibly impressive to cook over 3-foot flames, it’s going to do a TERRIBLE job of actually cooking your food… You need to strike a careful balance between flame-grilled showboating and actual cooking over red hot embers that won’t give your guests Campylobacter poisoning. I speak from personal experience here when I say that is not fun. And it’s not fun for at least a week, from lots of different places in your body. Just… don’t. If you have any doubts at all, start or finish your food off in an oven so you can be sure it’s cooked all the way through. Please.

7. Find The Heat – you’ll find that the temperature on your BBQ will be different from front to back, side to side, higher or low, this will be dependent on the location of your coals or gas etc… Use this to your advantage and get a nice spread of your food across these different areas… Use the cooler areas to keep food warm, whilst the hotter areas for real cooking… Nothing will make you look like a BBQ boss more than having a great spread across your grill.

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8. Keep the Heat – if you’re really looking to pull off the BBQ Boss look, you going to want to maintain your expertise over a number of hours, if not all day. To keep this up, you’re going to want to restock your charcoal at regular intervals. The best way I’ve found to do this is with a ‘chimney starter’ – this means you can get the charcoal heating up in here and pour it (carefully) into the BBQ once it’s heated up… Constant cooking ability and more time to look suave next to the BBQ.

9. Movement – being seen to move the food around the BBQ grill is an overlooked step, but it’s importance can not be underestimated. Well-planned and purposeful flips, squeezes, pick ups and put downs are essential to looking like you know what you’re doing. Extra points can also be achieved with well-timed knowing grunts/laughs/hmmmm’s.

Now, we’re confident that we’ve thought of everything here (see, it’s working already), but if you’ve got any other tips for how to look like you’re nailing the BBQ, then let us know on Twitter!

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